So I’m 24 now and I’d say I’ve grown up a lot over the past 4 years… I thought I knew the world once, but to my surprise I had no idea. It wasn’t until I moved to Amsterdam I really started to learn about how hard things can get. When I lived in the Netherlands, I got to a point where I was so poor I’d shovel snow for the neighbours to get a free meal, fucking hell you’re thinking, yeah I was also at the time… My christmas list for Santa didn’t even get me any free food, it didn’t help I had a German watching my every move either (my ex girlfriend). When D day was over (the break up) life got much easier, but I learnt a few things about my time living in Amsterdam, the most beautiful city in the world!
I was quite naive to how the world worked
I was quite naive to how the world worked, I thought things would come easy… how wrong I was! When I arrived in Amsterdam I had recently left my job as a restaurant manager, and that’s where I met my ex girlfriend, now I wouldn’t say I regret meeting her but if time machines were created I’d be the guy camping for 10 years to get in it!
Anyway after she got lost on a little ship on it’s way to the enemy territory (Germany) I slowly moved on with my life, I popped back to that Island (England) and tried to piece back the puzzle that I had glued together in all the wrong places! After a cuppa tea and a chat with the queen I walked across the mystery lands all the way back to Bristol. On my travels I met a wise women who told me if I worked my ass off hard I’d be rewarded with good things.. (I’m still fucking waiting wise women)
So fast forward a year and a half, I sit here wondering where I made mistakes in my life.. but hang on, I’m 24 years old? Has life even started? Maybe, no, yes, look a fucking peacock. So I’m in this new job with awesome colleagues (they all fall for my banter traps constantly, numpties! ) but they are the best bunch of people I’ve ever worked with in my life. (I’ve worked with some awesome people, think spiderman, batman mixed with Bruce Lee and Isaac Newton! Today I realised that I actually have a meaning in life, I have my friends, money, a decent car, been going to the gym for a gymnastic workout… no women, but that’s not a bad point is it? 😉
I was actually living in my car last month for a bit, that’s how bad life got and I was to silly to ask for a place to stay for a few nights with friends, I don’t want to bother people. Now I have a new place which is great! Think creepy house on halloween with a load of theatre actors. My friends are fantastic and my family are supportive. I still feel lots of anger towards my father, even though he’s been fantastic (as stated in a few posts about him) but I still can’t find myself to forgive him for how he treated me as a child.. My step mum beating me, and practically being abandoned by him. Then we have the case where my mother and step dad put me in a boarding school for 5 years of my life which again has made me weak to building relationships with my parents… they wonder why I don’t see them for weeks/months on end… I fucking wonder why.
Yeah I’m a confident guy, I don’t have a problem making friends, but my trust was sucked away from me as a child.. unless you’re fucking special or I feel safe around you.. you’re not having my trust for a while.. it’s as simple as that.. the beatings I got as a child always play in the back of my mind, yeah yeah batman never feared a beating.. I was 7 though… can you imagine curling up on the floor while someone you trusted and loved was kicking you in the head and arms.. I can imagine it, or when you were constantly blamed for things that you didn’t do… my god, if I could get my hands on that evil cow these days… Must’ve been ADHD right?
So it gets me to the point I’ve been through a lot, and things got tough and the tough got going.. but I’m still here, with a wealth more of knowledge, but never underestimate you making fucking stupid mistakes when you’re young.
Anyway, enough of this drama. On and beyond.