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Things that I can’t stop thinking about, trust taken as a child, ADHD.

So I’m 24 now and I’d say I’ve grown up a lot over the past 4 years… I thought I knew the world once, but to my surprise I had no idea. It wasn’t until I moved to Amsterdam I really started to learn about how hard things can get. When I lived in the Netherlands, I got to a point where I was so poor I’d shovel snow for the neighbours to get a free meal, fucking hell you’re thinking, yeah I was also at the time… My christmas list for Santa didn’t even get me any free food, it didn’t help I had a German watching my every move either (my ex girlfriend).  When D day was over (the break up) life got much easier, but I learnt a few things about my time living in Amsterdam, the most beautiful city in the world!

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I was quite naive to how the world worked

I was quite naive to how the world worked, I thought things would come easy… how wrong I was! When I arrived in Amsterdam I had recently left my job as a restaurant manager, and that’s where I met my ex girlfriend, now I wouldn’t say I regret meeting her but if time machines were created I’d be the guy camping for 10 years to get in it!

Anyway after she got lost on a little ship on it’s way to the enemy territory (Germany) I slowly moved on with my life, I popped back to that Island (England) and tried to piece back the puzzle that I had glued together in all the wrong places! After a cuppa tea and a chat with the queen I walked across the mystery lands all the way back to Bristol. On my travels I met a wise women who told me if I worked my ass off hard I’d be rewarded with good things.. (I’m still fucking waiting wise women)

So fast forward a year and a half, I sit here wondering where I made mistakes in my life.. but hang on, I’m 24 years old? Has life even started? Maybe, no, yes, look a fucking peacock. So I’m in this new job with awesome colleagues (they all fall for my banter traps constantly, numpties! ) but they are the best bunch of people I’ve ever worked with in my life. (I’ve worked with some awesome people, think spiderman, batman mixed with Bruce Lee and Isaac Newton! Today I realised that I actually have a meaning in life, I have my friends, money, a decent car, been going to the gym for a gymnastic workout… no women, but that’s not a bad point is it? 😉

I was actually living in my car last month for a bit, that’s how bad life got and I was to silly to ask for a place to stay for a few nights with friends, I don’t want to bother people. Now I have a new place which is great! Think creepy house on halloween with a load of theatre actors. My friends are fantastic and my family are supportive. I still feel lots of anger towards my father, even though he’s been fantastic (as stated in a few posts about him) but I still can’t find myself to forgive him for how he treated me as a child.. My step mum beating me, and practically being abandoned by him. Then we have the case where my mother and step dad put me in a boarding school for 5 years of my life which again has made me weak to building relationships with my parents… they wonder why I don’t see them for weeks/months on end… I fucking wonder why.

Yeah I’m a confident guy, I don’t have a problem making friends, but my trust was sucked away from me as a child.. unless you’re fucking special or I feel safe around you.. you’re not having my trust for a while.. it’s as simple as that.. the beatings I got as a child always play in the back of my mind, yeah yeah batman never feared a beating.. I was 7 though… can you imagine curling up on the floor while someone you trusted and loved was kicking you in the head and arms.. I can imagine it, or when you were constantly blamed for things that you didn’t do… my god, if I could get my hands on that evil cow these days… Must’ve been ADHD right?

So it gets me to the point I’ve been through a lot, and things got tough and the tough got going.. but I’m still here, with a wealth more of knowledge, but never underestimate you making fucking stupid mistakes when you’re young.

Anyway, enough of this drama. On and beyond.



Back to this Blog Again!

Firstly, I always love contacting people, and discussing subjects with them! So email me at fazolandgames@gmail.com and let’s discuss everything!

I applied for a hotel concierge last week. Sadly it didn’t work out for me, I went back expecting things to be different, but truly I wasn’t happy and it was really starting to get me down again. I’ve now applied for around 10 jobs working with young people. I’m still continuing my volunteer work at the school, this is going great by the way!

I’ve learnt so much, but I have lots more to learn. The last few weeks has been tough, I’m only starting to understand the real needs and problems the boys actually have. It’s something I look forward to dealing with every week though!

I mentioned I had gone to this specialist adult ADHD clinic, they wanted to put me back on concerta for my ADHD. Originally I refused a few months back, but this is something I may now go ahead and do. I know it will help with my concentration.

I’m in a strange place at the moment with my head, I’m still trying to truly settle down since coming back from the Netherlands, I hope if the right job comes along, things will truly be easier. I’m now getting back on my feet slowly.  I’m starting to worry about things a lot, this could be my terrible anxiety I’m going through at the moment. I have no idea why, but it’s something that will sort itself out soon I hope!

Until next time!

  • William Adams

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Getting some gym time for my ADHD!

Excuse me on this strange afternoon, I’m oddly extremely happy and upbeat! I’ve just done another hour in the gym! Guess what, I feel great! I always look at working out as a chore, but it really isn’t like that. Working out clears my mind of all that crap floating around, it relaxes me, and I feel great after.

It helps my ADHD, and the ever so common stress! I feel fitter and I actually feel good. I have a long way to go still, but an hour a day in the gym isn’t exactly much? I’m also now jump rope training with a local trainer, this is very good and it lasts around 2 hours!

My gym routine consists of a few things! Here is the list:

Jump Rope Workout

Takes me roughly an hour to do this, I will sometimes also do a 30 minute run! Why not try running for 20 minutes a day, and see how you feel? Drink lots of water and just eat smaller portions, it’s hardly a chore now is it?

Now, I’d love to hear your views on this exercise!




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